Five Questions To Determine The Best Embryo Adoption Agency For You

Hint: At least two of them require you to brush up your own character. Here's how to get to it!

Your embryo adoption journey is infinitely more rewarding with the right agency you can trust to guide your decisions. Proven success stories involving babies are a great sign, too.

If you’ve made the decision to pursue embryo adoption—or have done so in the past—bravo! You’ve committed to a rewarding, spiritually engaging and emotional journey you won’t soon forget. The potential for building your family this way is beautiful beyond description. Yet now you’re faced with a more pragmatic question: How do you decide which is the best embryo adoption agency for you?

To find the right answer, it’s easiest to ask a series of screening questions. This ultimately comes down to what you and your spouse believe to be best for your family. Your values, vision for your child and desired relationship with a future placing family all come into play.

In no particular order, here are some things my wife, Julie, and I asked ourselves as we navigated the journey to an embryo adoption agency selection.

Question #1: Have other families had a positive experience with this agency?

Word of mouth is a tremendous resource when aligning your values with an embryo adoption agency you can trust. In our case, we had friends of friends who had been through the embryo adoption process. We knew we could ask questions (or scour Facebook!) for clues and insights about what the experience might be like with a particular agency.    

Question #2: What is the agency’s values system? Does it align with my own?

This was a big one for us. It’s true that a majority of U.S. nonprofits specializing in embryo adoption are Christian-centered institutions. However, it’s not a universal reality. For our family, deeply held beliefs about the sacred nature of human life at its earliest stages of development informed our decision to pursue a Christian embryo adoption agency. We knew our shared values would make other more complex decisions easier because we were starting from a common foundation of faith.

Question #3: What is the agency’s adoption process? Is it clear, thorough and reasonable?

Every agency approaches the embryo adoption journey in different ways. Admittedly, there are limited options. Yet it’s important to consider what the steps along the way will look like. To successfully adopt embryos with the potential for a newborn at the end, you’ll be the one making decisions at each key milestone. For our family, it was important to find an agency whose adoption process followed many of the same steps as a domestic adoption, including a home visit and consulting with a qualified caseworker; a rigorous matching process; legal documentation; and a comprehensive framework that would lay the foundation for a lifelong open adoption. In our view, this would enable any future children to know and build a lasting relationship with their placing family. (You can read the complete backstory in my book “Frozen, But Not Forgotten: An Adoptive Dad’s Step-by-Step Guide to Embryo Adoption”.)

Question #4: Will the agency be easy to work with?

This one is subjective, yet if you’ve ever interacted with any organization to address a need, you know it can be a bit of a gamble. As an adoptive-parent-to-be, it’s easy to quickly make unreasonable requests, or expect answers within a one-hour window. After all, these are big and emotional decisions, and as human beings, we frequently get ahead of our skis. (This is called “impatience.”) A high-quality embryo adoption agency is both responsive and clear in setting expectations and boundaries. You’ll get outstanding care, regular communication and clear direction on the next steps you should be taking. And to be clear, there will be periods when you need to wait. Prayer is an excellent antidote to periods of silence and uncertainty. Trust God, and trust the agency with a proven track record of processes that lead families to successful outcomes.

Question #5: Will I make this agency’s job easier or harder?

OK, let’s face it: Having children in any context, no matter the path you’ve followed, is first and foremost a journey of personal and spiritual growth. Before you research, interview and ultimately select an agency with whom to work, you first need to go to work on yourself. As a Christian, I believe this starts with putting your faith in God. Proverbs 3:5 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.” As with all of life’s greatest decisions, it’s easy to want to game or otherwise rush the system. Don’t. It’s a recipe for disappointment, hurt feelings and needless anxiety.

If you are cultivating contentedness, willing to ride the waves of uncertainty and capable of returning kindness repeatedly to those who are actively seeking to advance your embryo adoption desires—that’s when you’ll know you’re ready to make your embryo adoption agency decision.